Saturday, December 16, 2000

I'm just gonna let go of everything that happened in the past. I'm gonna let go of the people and things that played a role (a negative one, at least) in my life in high school.

Yesterday, I sent an e-mail to one of my old classmates, but I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get an answer. She ignored the one before that, anyway. Same goes with this other girl. I was on Invisible on ICQ, 'cuz I just wanted to check my e-mails, then chat with people. That girl was online, but 2 seconds after I go to Online, she goes Offline. Strange, she suddenly decides to go off, when she could have done that anytime during the past five minutes.

I always had the impression that those two never liked me in the first place, but just pretended to respect me. I hate it when people do that. Just say it to my face that you don't like me, instead of acting all nice, just to talk behind my back later on!

Oh well, I've moved on. I have new friends now (maybe not many, but still).

On to better news. I got 96% for phys. ed.! Even though my phys. ed. teacher was such a bitch! That's the good thing about being evaluated based on theory rather than performance; I have a hell of a better chance at succeeding that way. I think it's really sucky to grade someone based on how physically strong they are. Not everyone's bodies are the same.

I got 86% (I *think*, I kinda forgot) in Humanities. Pretty good, but I'm not jumping for joy. I'm satisfied, but I'm not jumping off the walls about it the way I was for phys. ed. It's hard to describe; I'm just like, "Oh. 86%. That's good. It really is. I just have no particular reaction for some strange reason." This is really weird, even I don't understand myself, lol!

I heard that my next physics teacher is obsessed with Maple V. Maple V is a computer math program, where you can solve equations and plot graphs (even 3-D graphs), by typing up a series of codes and such. It drove me CRAZY the first time I used it. It was so complicated; it was COMPLETELY new to all the students. It still drives us nuts, but not as much as before. I still hate it. The fact that my next physics teacher demands a lot of Maple assignments isn't a good sign. I also heard that although he's an easy grader, you won't be prepared for the final exam. Perfect. grrrr....

I had many dreams with the Moffatts. Most of them are the same: I meet the guys, get their autographs and everything, and then I get their e-mail address. But then I wake up. A weird one was when I dreamed that Dave got married and had a baby girl by the time he was 17. In another one, I was Dave. I was still me in my thoughts, but I was in Dave's body. It was quite funny, 'cuz the other guys didn't realize that I wasn't the real Dave, so they were getting mad at me for not knowing the songs. In yet another one, Siberia was going out with Scott (oh god. That's all I'm gonna say).

Oh crap, you know what I just remembered? It's Fiona's birthday today. I forgot! Aww, she got me a b-day present, but I didn't get her one! Well, I haven't seen her since June, and we don't go to the same school and everything, so maybe she'll understand! ...I hope, eep! But I SAID happy birthday to her on ICQ just now. That's better than not remembering at all! Hmm, what's taking her so long to answer?

Oh okay, she answered. Hmm, she got half drunk at her party 'cuz her friends made her drink alcohol (she's 18). lol, Siberia told me that her 27-year old sister is gonna take her out someplace on her b-day, that apparently I'm too young to attend, lmao!

Hmm, Fiona was a good friend in high school. I miss her...unlike those two I mentioned earlier!

Aww, I don't want to become 18! In seven months, I'll legally become an adult! That means taking on adult responsibilities! I don't wanna! *whines* ROFL, I sound like a three year-old having a hissy fit! I DON'T WANNA, I DON'T WANNA, I DON'T WANNA!!! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Hahaha, if my friends read that last part, they would be like, "Uh...Muriel? Are you feeling alright?" But seriously, I don't want to become 18. I'd rather be 16. The age "16" sounds young and energetic and happy and everything, but "17" sounds so old! On my 17th b-day, Benoit asked me (he was still 16 at the time) how I felt to be 17. I said, "God, I feel so old now." He was like, "Yeah, you're really old now! hehe" Oh crap, what am I going to get Siberia for her b-day? Dammit, that's the problem with her b-day being five days after Christmas. I gotta get her a double present. Hmm, I'll try to find something with Bruce Lee. Yeah, that'll do. I wonder what she'd say if I got her a soccer ball, or a hockey stick. ROFLMAO, that would get her mad, 'cuz she hates sports with a passion!

I'd better get off the computer now. Do something productive, ya know? I'll read that book I bought. Hehe, you know that book that Bob likes? "How To Win Friends and Influence People"? I happened to see it at Chapters one day, and I noticed that it was a bestseller, and I had a 25$ gift certificate that I won at my prom, so I was like, "Oh, why not?" Hey, it's not JUST because he's a Moffatt that I bought the book he recommended! lol

Friday, December 15, 2000

I'm not volunteering at the hospital anymore; *shudders* it's become too depressing to be working around a bunch of people whose lives are almost finished. I am sooooo freaked about becoming old. There's this one woman who is blind, so all she can do all day is just sit there and...well...just sit there. The nurse told me to just push the spoon of food into her mouth (gently, of course) to get her to eat.

I can't help but think to myself: This frail old woman used to be a teenager like me. Maybe her and her friends liked to go watch movies or hang out at the park. She probably had dreams for the future. Maybe she was crazy about hot guys (hehe). Maybe she enjoyed laughing and having a good time. But look at her now. Her skin is all wrinkly, she's BLIND (I saw her eyes; there aren't even any pupils anymore. Just a coloured circle), she's skin and bones, she has to eat this pasty crap for meals, no one comes to visit her, oh man. What if this kind of lifestyle is what we will inevitably all face?

Well, she's not in the hospital anymore. Either someone came to take her home or she's...I'd rather not say it. I don't want to jinx it.

The other patients aren't blind (one of them's deaf, though, and another is dumb), but a lot of them are kind of senile (I really dunno how else to say it. Is there even a nice word to describe someone who's losing it?).

One of them (she's wasn't there anymore the last time I went there) would just sit in her chair in the hallway and do nothing. I would try to talk to her sometimes, but she starts mumbling and saying something totally incomprehensible that probably didn't have anything to do with the first thing I said. Another patient seems quite normal (she can speak just fine and walks around and everything), until you notice that when you ask her a question, she thinks you're asking her about her family. I saw a small Christmas tree on her nightstand, and I told her it looked nice, and she goes, "Oh, yes, yes, my sister and I would often go eat at a restaurant. It was quite interesting what happened this one time..." and then she goes on and on like that for a few minutes (at least).

Some of the patients really ticked me off. One of them thought I was a nurse, and said that she needed to go to the commode and go "popo". Okay, so I didn't know what a commode was at the time. I was like, "What? What are you talking about?" She starts saying, "What's the matter with you, you don't speak English?" I replied, "Yes, I do speak English, I just don't know what the heck you're talking about." Then she tells me to go find someone who speaks English. Grrr!!! After a got a nurse, I overheard the patient say, "Why do you have workers who can't even speak English?" The nurse had to explain that I was just a volunteer, and blah blah blah.

This other patient was all alone in her room, so I sat down next to her and tried to start a conversation. It wasn't really getting anywhere, so I asked her if she wanted some water to drink. After I handed her the paper cup (why are they so f*cking thin?), she kind of starting shaking it around, so I tried to take it back before she spills any water. She kept on saying "non", so I became more insistent and tried getting it out of her hand, but then she jerks her hand up and tried to throw the water in my face. She missed, though, and just got my smock wet. I was so pissed off, all I could do was stand there and glare at her. I swear, if it weren't for the fact that she was old, and frail, and most likely going to die soon, I would have kicked her ass. Lucky for her, she wasn't a healthy teenage guy. I would have soooooo taught her a lesson. I just wiped up the mess, slammed the rag down on her table, then walked out of there without a word said. Later that night, I was saying over and over, "I wanna run that bitch over with the car..." My sister was like, "Jeez, get over it!"

You know what else? When the patients are seated in their chairs (not quite an armchair, but not quite a chair, either), they're not just seated there, they're strapped into their seats. You need a special key to unlock the strap. That has got to be really, really degrading. Being strapped into your chair. *shudders* But the nurses do that so the patients won't try to get up and fall over and injure themselves.

*shudders even more* The major turn-off about my volunteer work was seeing the aftermath of their stomach rejecting their meal. You know what I mean. That's right. Vomit. Barf. Puke. I saw vomit three times in the past six months. That's three times too many, if you ask me. The first time, a patient asked to be rolled close to her bed, because her legs hurt or something like that. Yup, she puked all over the floor. Thank goodness I was standing behind her when that happened. I know she doesn't chew her food properly. The second one barfed in her cup. She told me she got sick in her cup, and I almost got sick just looking at it. I was thinking, "I'll let someone else take that away!" The third time, I was the unlucky person who had to carry a messy tray away. Some patient was in her room with her sister, who was just visiting. I asked the sister if the patient was done with her meal, so I could take the tray away, and she told me, "Oh, she couldn't eat. She got sick." I wish I realized sooner what she meant by "She got sick", because as I took the tray away, I noticed that it was ALL OVER the damn dishes. I couldn't just walk back to the room and put the tray back where I found it, so I walked as quickly as I could, holding my breath (I was able to smell it anyway), looking away, until I shoved the cursed thing into the big cart thing. That's what really encouraged me to go through with my decision to quit. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Ewwwwwww...................

My mom said to me, "Well, at least it was a good experience, right?" I was like, "Yeah, it was a good experience in the sense that now I know there's no way in hell I'm ever going to go into the Nursing program at school." I'd rather go into Computer Science!

Hmm, what else has this experience taught me? That I'm so freaked out of becoming old! Did I mention that some of them have to wear diapers? Just thought I'd throw that fact in, too.

Thursday, December 14, 2000

Wow. Muriel's in a pissy mood now. Okay, maybe not PISSED OFF, just not very happy. Not very happy at all.

I dunno why, but I have this feeling that something's gonna go wrong with the Moffatts concert in January.

Stupid Siberia. (BTW, that's my best friend's nickname) Hey, if there was a Cure or a Depeche Mode concert going on, and her sister couldn't come with her, I would have come with her, instead of leaving her to go alone. What the fudge is wrong with her? Hmpf, what kind of a friend is she! I even told her that my other friend couldn't come, but nooooo, she'd rather see me go through all the trouble of trying to find someone to buy the extra ticket instead of coming with me. Damn her.

She's such a lousy friend. She always made a mockery of my faith (I'm Christian, and I do believe in God). She has said stupid things like, "If there's such thing as a God, why do bad things happen to good people?", "Oh, why don't you go pray to your "God" to cancel school tomorrow?", "Okay, so according to your religion, I'm going to go to hell just because I don't believe in God? *rolls eyes and scoffs*", "I'd better warn my sister about how boring church is in case she decides to marry a Christian." and "We [her and her b/f] just don't understand how people can actually believe that there's a supreme power that controls everything!" (she said that last one in a really mocking tone). You know, she's got a lot of nerve to actually say that she "respects other people's beliefs." Yeah, sure buddy, I could name a few dozens proofs that what you just said is bull shit. Come on, if she really respected my religion, then that means she never thought that religious beliefs are stupid. NEVER. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, yeah right!!! I'm pretty sure that her and her boyfriend look down on religious people. Yeah, that's respect all right.

You know what else? She's always hinting that she thinks I'm ugly. There was this one time last year when Benny told her that this guy named...let's call him P, had a crush on her. She said to me in the cafeteria, "Oh no, not another guy who likes me." Here's the bad part: "*sigh* Well, that's the problem with being pretty. You're lucky you don't have to go through that." OH MAN! TOTAL INSULT! I have never been so offended in my life. I could've said something so mean back to her that would've made her cry, but I didn't. I just kinda gave her that smug nothing-you-say-can-hurt-me kind of smile. Deep down, I was sooooooo hurt. Now, this is different from when some jerk in the class calls you ugly. When it's your best friend saying it, it hurts biggy. There was also another time when I told her about how this guy, who always had this attitude problem towards me because we were both top students and in tight competition, was suddenly acting nice towards me. I jokingly told her that my mom suggested that he liked me. Siberia then kinda looked at me, as if observing my face, and said, "Nah, I wouldn't think so."

Reality check, Siberia! YOU'RE NOT THAT MUCH OF A PRIZE YOURSELF!!! You're less so, if anything. Hmpf, she just thinks she's so pretty just because her two previous b/f's told her so. I don't think that's an excuse to make me feel bad about myself.

Ever since she started going out with that b/f of hers, we hardly do anything together anymore. During the first semester, we were both so busy with school work that we hardly ever spoke to each other, since we weren't in any classes together. The only free time we had was on Friday evenings, but noooooooo, she always used that time to phone or have her b/f over.

LOL, her b/f used to be such a psycho. They went out in grade 10, but things got REALLY ugly, so they broke up, and she swore to herself never to talk to him again, but then in June of this year, they reconciled, and boom, they're going out again. He's actually much nicer now. He used to hate me 'cuz he felt that Siberia was spending too much time with her friends, but now he seems to respect me. Or at least he's very good at pretending he does.

I really don't know what those two guys saw in her. She's CONSTANTLY complaining about everything (hey, I'm not saying that I don't, but her whining is excessive), she has this stupid thing against doing exercise or any physical activities whatsoever (at her 1st b/f's b-day party, she was the ONLY one who didn't want to play soccer. It wasn't even soccer! We were just doing passes. She just sat on the balcony and watched, all pissed off that we "abandoned" her, even though we were trying to convince her that she's among friends, and no one's gonna laugh if she misses), she criticizes about everything (my god, she never stops harassing me about how I don't wear a hat or gloves in cold weather), and she's soooooooooo damn pessimistic, I want to barf.

Hmm, I'd better stop here. It's 1:34 p.m., and I'm still in my pyjamas, roflmao. Looks like brother wants to check his e-mails, too.
Okay, I just changed the template, 'cuz the first one was so narrow...

Wednesday, December 13, 2000

Now, here are some things that seem trivial to others, but that I like:

- listening to my Moffatts albums over and over and over and over and over...
- hanging out at the MMB
- getting e-mails [yay! people remember I exist! j/k]
- sleeping [who doesn't? lol]
- chocolate [I'm trying not to eat too much of it, since I had to quit karate because of all my schoolwork so I don't get as much exercise as before]
- sushi [yummm]
- pizza [also yummm]
- last day of school [the feeling of relief is incredible]
- Star Wars
- Sailor Moon [I'm not a HUGE fan, but I think it's cool]
- hot showers on a cold day
- cold showers on a hot day
- singing [when no one's around!!!]
- martial arts [all the way, baby!]
- telling and hearing jokes
- sunsets [especially when the sky is purple/pink]
- playing my stereo full-blast [too bad I can only do that when everyone's out]
- Scott Moffatt
- Bon Jovi music
- fireworks [I loooooooove fireworks!]
- baby wolves [awwwwww, so cute!]
- puppies
- when people tell me I'm pretty [makes me feel better about myself; I always considered myself to be an ugly person]
- outsmarting my brother [I hope he's not reading this]
- scaring the crap outta my little sister by hiding behind a door, and when she walks into the room, I yell out "BOO!" [*evil laughter*]

I'll think of some more later! =)
I'm bored, so I'll type up a list of things that irritate me:

- college life [hey, sleeping 4-5 hours a night sux big time]
- papercuts
- when atheists say to me, "If there's such thing as God, why do bad things happen to good people?"
- Jessica Simpson's song "I Think I'm In Love" [if you're reading this and you're a Jessica Simpson fan, no offense, I just can't stand the tune]
- when people think that other people who have different taste in music suck [yeah, that means you, Kirsti Simms. I hope you get run over by a truck]
- when people immediately assume that I'm Chinese [I know they're not trying to be rude; they just don't know, but it's happened so many times that it's starting to bug me a bit]
- when guys off ICQ ask me if I want to cyber [take a guess, you dumbasses]
- cats in general
- insects [spiders especially! *shudders*]
- when, after doing an exam, my parents ask me how well I did [well now, I don't know until I get my grade, now do I??]
- when we have to read poetry at school
- hip hop and rap
- e-mail fwd's [whenever I get an e-mail alert, I always think it's a personal message, but 95% of the time, it's a fwd. BTW, if you want to fwd me something, sent it to:, NOT I never receive fwds at mail, and I don't want to]
- my teachers E* B***** and J*** G***
- guys who think they're all that 'cuz they're good-looking
- girls who think they're all that 'cuz they dress like sluts
- people who say "fuck" in every sentence
- this girl from my high school, I won't name her or give her initials, but she's a bitch
- this guy on my ICQ list nicknamed FL19 [he's been having some kind of an attitude problem lately]

Okay, I can't think of any more for now.
Alright, it worked! *Excellent...*

Yup, this is the first time since college started that I finally have nothing, no work whatsoever, to worry about. Sweetness...lmao.

You know, my school has this thing on their website where you can comment about your teachers and read what other people said about their own teachers, so you'll have a good idea of what to expect if you register for a course with so and so. lol, oh man, you should've seen what they said about J*** G***! And E* B*****!

With J***, soooooo many of them were saying how bitchy she is, one of them said that "SHE IS THE DRACONIAN BITCH FROM HELL...sent by Satan to terrorize innocent cegep students". I totally started cracking up when I read that! A lot of the commenters typed these longs texts about how bitchy she is, but one of them had only three words to say: "She is insane...". ROFLMAO!

She IS evil...I had her as a phys. ed. teacher, and she loooooooves going on and on about how we're all stupid and incompetant, and she loooooooooves bragging about her PhD and her lawyer husband (yeah, like we still give a damn after the 393768374th time). If you ask a question or try to protest about something, she'll humiliate you in front of the entire class. Man, she is so psychologically abusive towards her students.

As for E*, NOT ONE person posted a good comment about him. lol, even J*** got a few supporters (okay, she DOES know what she's doing, but she's still a bitch). That guy is SUCH a moron. My friend, who is in his other class, said that he asked the class for the definition of a certain term (I don't remember which one it was), and a student gave him a definition. He was like, "No, that's wrong," then the student says, "But that's what you told us last week," and E* goes, "No, that's not precise enough." He gets all pissed if you don't answer his questions, but then again, whenever you do, he tells you you're wrong. I tried to be sympathetic about him at first; I thought maybe he was going through a difficult period of his life, but after a while, I just couldn't stand his attititude. I hate him now. At least I don't have to see his mug again.

I'm sooooooooo glad the exams are over! I hate the way they print the words "FINAL EXAMINATION" on the exam sheet with BIG CAPITAL LETTERS. It's so freakin' scary!!! They might as well type "YOU'RE ALL DOOMED" right beneath it while they're at it... Those exams (for chemistry, physics and calculus) were THIRTEEN PAGES LONG. EACH. Before the exam started, I would look at that THICK booklet and think, "These are going to be the longest three hours of my life."

You know what sucked? Halfway through the chemistry exam, I REALLY had to go to the bathroom! It wasn't even funny! You have no idea how hard it is to concentrate on an extremely important exam when you really, really need to go...All I was able to think was, "Oh God, I'm in so much agony.." You're not allowed to leave the gym and come back, because the teachers might think you were cheating or something. The exam finished at 5:00, but I left at 4:40 'cuz I couldn't take it anymore. I know I screwed up the last answer, but oh well. It's just one question.

Thank goodness the other two went fine (in the sense that I didn't need to go). I fucked up the physics exam big time. I probably passed, though. I hope I passed! That would be interesting, an Honours Science student failing an exam...But I'm pretty sure I aced the calculus exam! WOOHOO!!!

Get this: I was checking my hair in the mirror yesterday, and I have a gray hair. Seriously. Well, it was just the tip of a hair, but still! Now I have living proof that I'm working too hard at school! I couldn't find it this morning, though, but I know what I saw. lol, at least I'm not the only one! Siberia told me that she had a gray hair, too. Two of my classmates from high school had gray hairs, too. lmao, Siberia's ex b/f had like five at a time, sucker!

Hmm, speaking of hair, I want to get a new haircut. I'm getting annoyed with my current one. My hairstyle is the kind where it's parted on the side, so on one side, my hair is pushed back behind my ear while the other side hangs down. That last side is always getting in my face, which is why I always pin my hair before exams, so I won't have to tilt my head just to see the paper in front of me. I was thinking of cutting my hair short, but I'm kinda scared that it'll turn out crappy. If that happens, it'll take forever to grow back! I wanna get copper-coloured streaks in my hair, too, but my dad'll kill me. He's sooooooo against dyeing hair, and ear-piercing (for guys, that is).

Oh yeah, and I want to get an earring on the side of my left ear, but I heard it hurts like crazy 'cuz you're piercing bone. Mom'll have a heart attack if I did, lol. She specifically told me not to get any piercings there. Hmm, I wonder how she'd react if I got my eyebrow pierced like Dave...Hmm, better not.
Okay, I changed the title name, as well as the time displayed next to the posts, hopefully it worked...
You know, I've got to start reading the Help section of this thing. I dunno how anything works! Hmm, I'm not really the type of person who stops for a minute to read the instructions...
My exams are all over! Oh, the horridity (is that even a word?) of the first semester of college is FINALLY over!!! OMG, I have never felt so free!

Anyway, to anyone who might be reading this, I guess you're wondering about the title of my blog. As strange as it may seem, I'm not even 100% sure why I picked the sentence "I'll be here for all infinity". Probably because it sounds cool. Plus, I was most likely dead-tired from studying and couldn't think of a better title, lol.

I wonder how many brain cells I must've fried this semester from all this studying. I've seen stars a couple of weeks ago; seriously. I was studying at my locker, and I was really tired because I stayed up 'til 2 a.m. studying for my Humanities final exam. I guess I must've stood up too quickly, 'cuz I felt really, really dizzy, and then when I knelt down again to pack my bag, I saw tiny bright lights floating down. At first, I thought that maybe the hall lights were busted and sparks were coming out of them, but I eventually realized that my vision was playing tricks on me. Okay, those stars are nothing like in cartoons; they weren't these perfectly geometrical stars that danced around my head like a carrousel. More like tiny, slow-moving shooting stars.

Moffatts concert on Jan. 26. I can't wait!!! But what really sux is that my friend, who was supposed to come with me, can't come! My best friend was supposed to come in the first place; she made a promise to me last year that she would, but then I found out that she refused to pay for her ticket. When my other friend couldn't come, I asked my best friend (let's call her Siberia, okay?) again to come with me. But noooo, Siberia didn't want to come. Man, isn't she great at keeping promises.

Well, I'm supposed to meet up with this girl off the MMB for the concert. I'm relieved that I won't have to go alone. That would suck big time, 'cuz I'm gonna start waiting in line at 1:30 p.m.; imagine waiting 5 hours with no one to talk to; not to mention these things are never fun to do alone.

lol, since my parents are so over-protective, I suggested to my mom that we get a cell phone for me, my brother and my sister (to share between the three of us), so the night of the concert, I'll carry it, so she can call anytime if ever she's freaking out about where I am. She won't let me ride the bus and metro alone all the way back to the West Island, though, lol. When I suggested that, she gave me this "Are you nuts? That's out of the question" look.

NEway, I'm gettin' sleepy, so I'll stop for now.

BTW, did I mention that Scott Moffatt is hot? Hmm, probably not, but I'll say it now! Scott Moffatt is HOT!!! lol, my brother would make sooooooo much fun of me if he saw that.